Finally we were heading for the Pyramids. This was the big one. Something I'd dreamed of seeing since I was a very small boy (and I'm very tall so it was a long time ago). The pinnacle of my boyhood dreams. This whole trip was really about seeing the pyramids for me...
We rounded the corner and saw the top of the Pyramid of Giza, standing tall over the shabby houses and shops below. It's a strange thing that the pyramids are typically shown in films as being in the middle of the desert, miles from anything, when they are actually on the outskirts of Cairo.
As we neared the parking area the anticipation was building and building... Nearly there... Years of waiting for this one moment. The guide stopped the bus for the tickets and then we continued on the coach up the hill... Some explanation of how to handle the locals from our guide only heightened the nervousness I was feeling at being able to stand and touch one of the original (and only surviving) seven wonders of the ancient world... We elected to pay extra to go inside one of the pyramids to see a burial chamber... Now I was bursting to get off the coach... "ok you haz one hours frrree time to explores... Have fun !" said our guide in his Egyptian accented English. I shot up out of my seat like a fat kid with the key to a sweet shop, who'd just had his gastric band removed... I nearly jumped out of the window to get out there...
Then I heard the words every parent fears, seconds before they accomplish a childhood dream... "I need the toilet, now!". One of the kids got stomach cramps and had to go there and then, or else. I cannot name which of the twins it was, for legal and health reasons (they are so embarrassed at the thought of their mates finding out, it may end up in divorce and me waking up with a camels head in my bed).
Tick tock tick tock.
There was a toilet on board but then we got the "I can't go with everyone listening" plea.
Tick tock tick tock.
I could hear the sound of scales tipping back and forth in my head... "it's only the pyramids - your kids health is more important" weighing heavily on one side, the other said "bugger this! Childhood dream. Thousands of pounds. I could die on the plane on the way back or be trampled by a passing camel convoy - so let's go see some pointy buildings full of dead dudes, fat boy!". Sam and I stared at each other across the doubled over form of the afflicted child... The face Sam pulled confirmed that her mental guilt scales were also see-sawing with a similar dilemma.
Tick tock tick tock.
Finally they agreed to use the loo and the small queue of people had disappeared, so no more delays...
FYI - Loki was the god of mischief, not an Egyptian god so not sure why he was hanging round on our coach but he was definitely there... He played another trick on us... The last guy out of the toilet said "no bog roll left sorry!". If I could have got to him he would be camel food, and I'd use the shirt off his back as loo roll.
Tick tock, tick tock.
Despite being a god, Loki must have seen my face and thought "immortal or not, this Stootz guy is ready to get all 'dark side' on my ass and kill me with 'the force'... Time to go!"...
With his departure our luck changed, another kind traveller had a bog roll with them. The afflicted child was bundled unceremoniously into the loo with bog roll in hand... It was like a DIY mummification in a vertical sarcophagus, with toilet roll for bandages and a look of terror that an Egyptian king's servant must have had when their ruler died.
I'd brought some medicine with me so this was administered and we finally got out of the coach. Joking aside, I don't blame them at all and felt very sorry for them, it was just bad timing and bad luck... See I do care!
Bye for now!
Cheers
Stootz
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